the ocean.

Yes I am alive. Where did time go?! I am still here learning how to swim in this limitless icy ocean. 

I can't just stay over there on the shore where it's safe and warm (for now). The shallow water isn't enough. I walk out further, deeper.  I can still touch, I can still go back. My toes still feel the soft grainy sand, my lips are still above the surface. Just a little further- a few more inches- and I'll be out there. It's harder than I realize, as though bricks are chained to my feet, and my heart holds the key. 

Out there- where warriors do big things. Or maybe they're not big things- maybe they're the small things, really. Or maybe the big things and the small things are the same. If the storms will come regardless of where I am, I might as well go out and learn to swim and face the storms before they come. And maybe, just maybe, the Captain and Creator will use me to turn the tide. 

I'm confused and dizzy- pulled down into my own whirlpool of thoughts and dreams and desires. So I look to my Captain, I write desperately, passionately, frankly. Is it better than not writing at all? I don't know. But I want to. I want to know. To learn. To dream. To love. To live. So I keep swimming.

just some random- or not so random thoughts from my poor wrinkled heart.