The Life Changer

A little snippet of my life and how it's changed.

The Life Changer

It was exciting, but uncertain.  Tomorrow wasn't just any other sunday, something special was going to happen.  It didn't seem too strange, our family had done this kind of thing before; I had just left my friends Nastya, Katya, Pavla, and Manue in St. Petersburg, and readjusted to a new church with new friends back home.  The Lord gave my dad a heart for ministry and now it seemed like He was leading us to something new- starting a church.  (In our own house, too!)  A whole new life was before us.  One that has opened opportunities, showered blessings, and taught us lessons we still haven't fully understood yet. 

Trust Him.  It seems so simple, doesn't it?  Trusting God seems so simple until, well, until you have to do it.  Do we ever really understand trusting Him until relationships, complex situations, or our own lives get messy, confusing, and difficult?  God has used those kinds of situations in ministry, and my parents' example of faith, to give me a glimpse of what trusting HIm really looks like.  

"To love at all is to be vulnerable." C.S. Lewis

There you have it, the honest, painful, truth.  To love at all is to be vulnerable.  It has always been hard for me to go meet the shy young girl who comes through the door on Sunday morning.  Gradually we get to know each other, until I can hardly imagine not seeing her every week.  People from all walks of life come to church to hear God's Word; some are easy to love, others take prayer and work.  People change, they move on, and they leave you behind.  It is hard to love.  Our culture has this idea that love is some irresistible force, some nice feeling you get towards someone.  Christ, on the other hand, commands us to love!  Through all these experiences, I've found it is only through His grace that you can love even when it hurts.  Just like He did.

  Ugh.  Not again.  Why do I have to do this?  This is so annoying!  Every single week  we have to clean, set up chairs, help little kids- isn't this supposed to be a day of rest?   Thus would go something like my train of thought on Sunday mornings.   Of course, I would do it, with minimal vocal complaining, too, but my heart was not in it.  Over time, I began realizing that God didn't care how straight the rows of chairs were, He didn't care if they were perfectly spaced when I was doing it begrudgingly or giving my brothers a hard time in the process.  It was the heart He wanted!  Once He had that, the neatness would follow. I would be inspired to find more ways to serve, and go out of my comfort zones to do it.  Our best service to God doesn't come when we are just trying to be good Christians and going through the motions; God gives us a changed heart so we can serve Him with gladness!

When our church met for the first time in our little apartment, I thought everything outward was changing.  Dad would be the same, Mom would be the same, my siblings would, I would.  We'd all stay the same inside.  Little did I know the heart changing, world-view adjusting, life-altering internal workings God had in store! There are scores of lessons I have learned from all this, and I'm sure there will be scores more.  Looking back, I can see how God used those situations to grow me, and bring me closer to Him.  I'm so thankful for His mercy, sustaining love, and guidance.  I look forward to continue to follow Him in whatever way He leads.